I am not sure what I hate more, pain or love.
Love is a funny construct. It's responsible for your highest highs and your deepest lows. Maybe we take love too seriously. Maybe it has been turned into this ideal, best of all feelings that everyone should strive for by hollywood and all of society in general. Or what if love is there to test our strength. How many hits can we take before we go down. The weak, emotional people, they're sorted out that way. They'll either kill themselves or be so mentally damaged that they can't live a normal life anymore.
Pain is a word everyone sees as negative. But what if love's a synonym for emotional pain.
Physical pain is not nearly as bad. We have invented all kinds of things like painkillers to deal with it.
Emotional pain on the other hand? Or should I say love's real face? It sucks. There is nothing you can do. You just have to sit there and smile because society doesn't think emotional pain is a thing and you have to try to ignore all the invisible punches in your stomach. I wonder if it feels the same for everyone. I feel it in my stomach mostly. It either feels like someone punched me or like I've been stabbed and someone's twisting that knife again and again. Only I can't die. Because there is no real thing causing the pain.
I don't want to be dramatic but isn't that how hell is described? You're being tortured 24/7 and you can feel everything but you can't die.
Maybe I was wrong. Love isn't a synonym for pain. It's a synonym for hell on earth.
I also wonder if drug addicts feel like this. They know it's ruining their lives in every possible way but they just can't stop. Just so they can have that one good moment right when they're taking the drug. Even though it comes with so many bad moments after. I've described myself as a loyal dog. Because you can beat me and I'll still keep coming back. Maybe I'm not a dog, I'm a drug addict. Love keeps destroying me but I always come back to get more, just one more short, good moment. Satan would be proud of me...
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